Jokes Of The Day Part 2

The Cab Ride
A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out from behind a bush, opened the back door of the cab and demanded to be taken to the airport. The cab driver kept looking back at his passenger in the rear view mirror, and she became irritated and said, "Why do you keep staring at me?" The cab driver replied, "Well, you don't have any clothes on and no place to carry any money and I am wondering how you are going to pay your fare?"
The woman opened her legs and pointed to her crotch and said, "How about me paying with this?"
The cab driver looked back at the woman and said, "Do you have anything smaller?"


Hospital Trolley
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."



Watermelons
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"

Husband story
Husband: Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life..
In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
    I told her : Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
    My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration
towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable tv, & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin, vodka & the beer from the fridge...

I ALMOST DIED!!

Moral :
Think about what you talk, The female brain works on a different tangent than male.



Genius Father
A man says to his son : You are going to get married.
Son: Not now.
Father: Your wife will be the daughter Bill Gates.
Son: then ok

Next day father goes to Bill Gates....
Father says to Bill Gates: My son is going to marry your daughter. 
Bill Gates: No
Father: My son is the C.E.O of the world bank.
Bill Gates: then OK

Next day father goes to the World Bank......
Father says to the owner of the World Bank: My son will be the C.E.O of this bank.
Owner: no
Father: My son is the son in law of Bill Gates.
Owner: then ok

THIS IS BUSINESS.....